In Pursuit of The Unknown.

To you, I mean not to be unkind,

Only to be true to my self.

Have I much life to live?

I don't know.

Only, that I live

to be sure,

for living is my pursuit.

It is to pursue my own

interpretation of what is good

noble and just, to reflect

on what it is that brings me joy, 

to define for myself what 

pleasantry is.

I am in search for the something, 

which I refer to as 'unknown', 

I wonder if all my actions

are getting me closer to it, or it's just a shadow of my own.

However, each new day that I partake of 

in this life is one more drop,

in the well spring of my pure existence.

My goal,

is to see the 

overflow.

Sunset. Lake Mendota. Madison.

As the sun was sinking down the horizon, it mingled with the blue sky, reflected its rays from the waves of the lake Mendota and blended perfectly to form a picturesque dull golden hue that had filled the canvas of the sky. 

I seem to have completely lost my touch with photography, but I still tried taking some pictures of the sunset.

The Tranquil

Black Is Beautiful

Love Triangle

The Hue

Alone is Calm.

Alone is calm. Alone is being somewhere with nothing other than your own thoughts, able to hear the things that you often intentionally block out with meaningless conversations and loud music and well-attended parties. Alone is listening to the things you have to say to yourself, giving time to the more important reflections of life that you often allow to settle in the back of your mind like a fine dust swept under a rug.

Alone is eating dinner for one, taking the time to savor each dish instead of having its flavor interrupt you as you try to carry on your conversation. It is reading a book in the corner, undisturbed by everything else going on around you, happy to exist in a scene where the only partner one needs is the soft din of conversation around you. Alone, the feeling of the satisfaction of selfishness, the refreshing reprieve from having to take others’ concerns into account, happy in the knowledge that no one is there to interrupt you in the conversations you have with yourself. However, it should not be confused with loneliness. Loneliness, I think is allowing this freedom from judgment to take root in your life, to become a reason to let things go. It is losing perspective of other people to the point that your entire world narrows down to you and exactly what you’re doing in that moment. Loneliness is wanting a sounding board for all of the things you have discovered on your own, the things you want to confirm with the comforting reality of hearing another human being speak them aloud.

Alone is walking along a street, just you and your city, taking things in that you often don’t take the time to appreciate when you’re busy with life. It is allowing your senses to be your company, talking to you with a million different voices of how good this smells or how wonderful that feels. It is taking the time to soak in your surroundings, instead of just existing blindly within them. I have come to an understanding that even though people are happy in their beautiful lives, deep inside they are lonely. In time I have learned that people come and go, things change, time flies but the only thing that stays with one is one’s conscience, and to protect one's sanity, one needs to make peace with one's loneliness. 

I have realized that it doesn't really take much of an effort to be happy when you are alone, unlike when you feel lonely despite surrounded by the people who have too much to offer and have their opinions about everything that is under the sun, and you are simply not interested.

Perhaps.

If I was to dream,
then dream I would
of days that have gone by.

Days when your eyes would gleam
and so would mine,
but joys remembered are no longer mine.

As the Sky today turns to stormy hues
Drops of rain turn to deluge
Away from the memory lane I try to seek refuge
only to come back to live on the edge.

I walk in a garden of memory,
reliving the joys and the sorrows as well.
I walk with a cane down memory lane,
perhaps there, joys remembered will remain.

Perhaps when my hair has turned to gray
and my face is etched with pain,
And my eyes twinkle with delightful remembrances
I'll walk with a cane down memory lane.
Perhaps there, joys remembered will remain.

Happy Birthday, Robert Frost.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

- Robert Frost. 

When Love Arrives.

Dear Love, 

You always come unannounced to me at the wrong time, at the wrong place and sometimes in the wrong time zone. In spite of you being a non-cooperative guest, I always have been thankful to you for your visits, be it for the briefest rendezvous at some random place, or for those unplanned events with beautiful misunderstandings when everything seems to fall in place, or for meeting me in the most outrageous circumstances that which makes me believe the affair to be some kind of a melodramatic cosmic event. Nevertheless, I have always enjoyed your wonderful company and our interesting conversations. It makes me feel alive.

I hope you are well where ever you are. If you are planning a visit, do consider stopping by. I shall be more than delighted to meet you again and catch up from where we left.

Truly Yours,
Me.

Mystical Mirage

I stood in the midst of the buzzing street
waiting for the one, I long to meet

time stood still, heart beat grew loud
the  glimpse so magical, as he drew himself out of the crowd

The twinkling eyes made my heart sing
like melody of birds in first morning spring

The mystic breeze of this sheer ecstasy
turned everything more beautiful than it was supposed to be.

His One flirty smirk and my heart flew high
on gossamer wings through the cloudless sky

crazy fantasy; the rush of adrenaline
sudden kick, like a shot of Gin

As gazed into me his soft heavenly eyes
‘Boom!’ gone was my common sense with inanity reprise

Inability to think sensibly struck my heart
I thought ‘Damn! What a start!’

The sense, the touch, as he held my hand
swept me off my feet to a distinct land

Melted away this sudden brief tryst
like the evanescence of the morning mist

as if a leaf caught in the wind carried him away
vanished he suddenly like a phantom, as a memory of yesterday.

Old Reel Redux

Having recently watched ‘The Apu Trilogy’, a film by Satyajit Ray, rightly regarded as one of the best works of literature in the history of world cinema, I cannot help but put in my thoughts about this classic masterpiece. The trilogy  composed of ‘Pather Panchali’ or ‘Song of the Road’, ‘Aparajito’ or ‘The Unvanquished’ and ‘Apur Sansar’ or ‘The World of Apu’ is based on two Bengali novels Pather Panchali (1929) and Aparajito (1932) written by Bibhutibhushan Bandopadhyay. Having won the award for Best Human Document in 1956 Cannes Film Festival, the film dialogues certainly has an impeccable literature touch. Portrayed in a lucid fashion that even with limited knowledge of bengali (someone like me) can completely identify with the depiction of characters and storyline effortlessly.

The films set in Bengal in the 1920s, articulately offers a sublime purity of sensitivity and maturity of the time when life was traditional and hard in the rural areas of India. As the movie proceeds, the myriad ‘Mono no Aware’ spectrum of the trilogy stays in the mind of the audience bounding them to contemplate the quintessence of a fine film. Like a divine hum of the pious bird of good omen, it affirms the simplicity and elegance of a cinema, no matter how far in our cynicism we may stray. Bestriding way beyond pretentiousness, the unprecedented and universal cinematic exposition of abandonment and independence in the film effortlessly creates a world of its own enticing the audience into it that it makes one feel part of it. The trilogy filmed between 1950 and 1959, a period when prolific realm of Indian film industry had conventionally stayed within the narrow confines of swashbuckling musical romances; this piece of art altogether established a new cinema for India creating an impact about the films of one’s own culture.

With the artistic scene like train roaring at the far end of a field, representing the desire of a child to know the world and the promise of the future, at the same time connecting and separating the characters throughout, foregrounding the strong feelings of human relationships the films benchmarks the realm of ideas of  director’s cut. The first film, ‘Pather Panchali’, has a relatively simple plot largely consisting of a series of short, loosely connected vignettes tracing out the life of a poor Brahmin family with head of the family, Harihar (Kanu Banerji), who dreams of being a poet, bringing Sarbajaya (Karuna Banerji), his pregnant wife, and Durga (Uma Das Gupta), his daughter, from Benares back to the ancestral rural home. The young family also takes care of an aged aunt, Indir Thakrun (Chunibala Devi). The sheer artistry of the tenderness of the heartwarming bonds, the authenticity of beauty and lyricism, and the portrayal of death, poverty and deprivation with the emotional ride of love, mirth, grief, energy, terror, disgust and anger, undeviatingly connects one to subconscious. In the fading of the light, as the 80 year old, stooped double, deeply wrinkled, Chunibala Devi, sings in the movie in her sad feeble voice, “Hori Din To Gelo, Sandhya Holo, Par Koro Amaare” meaning “God, the day is finished, evening has descended, now please take me across”, it completely embodies the brilliant classicality of  an artistic production.

The second film, Aparajito is about estrangement between the mother (Sarbajaya) and her son Apu (who goes to Calcutta to study) causing her acute pain, loneliness and eventually death. The most extraordinary turning point in the trilogy is in the third film Apur Sansar, when Apu, an unemployed graduate, goes with his best friend, Pulu, to attend the wedding of Pulu's cousin, Aparna. Aparna, played by 14 year old Sharmila Tagore characterizes the impeccable brilliance of her acting skills even at such a tender age. During the wedding, Apu gets married under extraordinary circumstances to Aparna, who later in the film dies during childbirth leaving Apu alone and shattered. Apu blames his son (Kajal) for Aparna’s death and swears never to see him but later unites with him after 5 years taking him along to Calcutta.

If you have an inclination towards art, this would be one of the best films you would ever come across. The Trilogy hinging on instantly recognizable aspects of the human condition with the penchant for close-ups, the dramatic zooms, the occasional submission to simple melodrama and the sheer lust for life is a work of an absolute unimpeachable integrity which only a few films makers of the world have matched, and Ray is undoubtedly one of them.

Rein Your Migraine

Yes, a migraine is a very bad headache. Yes, it's difficult to know what a migraine really feels like until you've had one. But to call any bad headache a migraine is not just incorrect; it's also insensitive to the people who struggle with colossal migraine pain and other frightening and uncomfortable symptoms. I have migraine and the headaches are so bad that my brain literally stops functioning. Having such close encounters with severe pain myself where it feels like death is just momentary away from you, I have been trying to do my share of research on why migraine is caused and how can it be prevented. There are a lot of papers and articles written on how to avoid the migraines that one can always research online, but with my experience with severe migraines, I thought to list out certain facts about migraine and its medication through this post to help my family and friends fight this mutual enemy of ours.

The underlying causes of migraines are unknown, however, they are believed to be related to a mix of environmental and genetic factors. The exact mechanisms of migraine are not known either. It is, however, believed to be a neurovascular disorder. The primary theory is related to increased excitability of the cerebral cortex and abnormal control of pain neurons in the trigeminal nucleus of the brainstem. The throbbing or pulsing head pain is often indicative of a migraine as opposed to another type of headache; often accompanied by sensitivity to light and sound and, occasionally, nausea or vomiting. Some migraine sufferers also deal with constipation or diarrhea, confusion, irritability, muscle stiffness, fatigue or aura in the hours before the pain starts (at times I too have experienced the aura before the attack), and once the pain starts, it can last up to 72 hours.

Like every other attack, there are certain ‘triggers’ which can set off the migraine attack. A trigger can be any event, change, external stimulus or physical act which seems to result in migraine. It precedes the attack by a short interval which could be as much as up to 6 to 8 hours. For people who experience from migraines, certain foods, strong perfumes, flickering lights, certain sounds, weather changes and other environmental factors can trigger the migraine. But one thing here worth mentioning is that not everyone has the same triggers, and not every time—and that makes the migraine trigger a frustrating prey to hunt down. There is, however, general agreement about the most common triggers that can cause headache and I have tried to list most of them in this post. The causes and triggers can vary from individual to individual so it is important to figure out your trigger and avoid it. Not to forget that the foods and various stressors listed here are the suspects, and not convicts: So it is important that you narrow it down to your own personal triggers which will help in reducing your headache frequency.
Hope it helps!

Triggers

Food triggers

·         Ripened cheeses (such as cheddar, Emmental, Stilton, Brie, and Camembert)

·         Chocolate

·         Marinated, pickled, or fermented food

·         Foods that contain nitrites or nitrates (bacon, hot dogs) or MSG (soy sauce, meat tenderizers, seasoned salt)

·         Sour cream

·         Nuts, peanut butter

·         Sourdough bread/baked goods

·         Broad beans, lima beans, fava beans, snow peas

·         Figs, raisins, papayas, avocados, red plums

·         Citrus fruits

·         Excessive amounts (more than 2 cups total) of caffeinated beverages such as tea, coffee, or cola

·         Alcohol (including red wine and beer)

·         Missed Meals

·         Caffeine withdrawal

Allergic reactions

Allergic rhinitis  [an allergic inflammation of the nasal airways occurred when an allergen, such as pollen, dust, or animal dander (particles of shed skin and hair) is inhaled by an individual triggering the production of the antibody immunoglobulin E (IgE), which binds to mast cells and basophiles containing histamine] may often lead to a “sinus headache”. The release of histamine due to the allergic reactions can also lead to the dilation of blood vessels in the brain, and therefore cause or worsen a migraine headache.

Menstruation

More often known as ‘Menstrual migraine’ in women, this is associated with falling levels of estrogen.  The two most accepted theories on the cause for menstrual migraine at the moment are:

·         The withdrawal of estrogen as part of the normal menstrual cycle and

·         The normal release of prostaglandin during the first 48 hours of menstruation

There are no tests available to confirm the diagnosis, so the only accurate way to tell if you have menstrual migraine is to keep a diary for at least three months recording both your migraine attacks and the days you menstruate. This will also help you to identify non-hormonal triggers that you can try to avoid during the most vulnerable times of your menstrual cycle.

Environment

·         Weather changes including: temperature changes, extreme heat or extreme cold weather, humidity, barometric pressure changes and storms

·         Odors, pollution and smells including: smog, cigarette smoke, perfumes and chemical odors

·         Lights, such as: bright lights or glaring lights, fluorescent lights, flashing lights or screens

·         High altitudes

·         Flying, jet lag, travel or motion

·         Dusty conditions

·         Dry conditions

·         Patterns, including: stripes, checkers or zigzag lines

Stress

Migraines and stress are strongly linked. Indeed, anxiety, excitement and any form of tension and shock may all lead to a migraine attack. Also, some people experience something called “weekend headaches” when, after a busy and stressful week at work; an individual might experience a migraine at the weekend when they are more relaxed. Physical stress or certain exercises can also trigger the attack.

Medication
There is no specific cure for migraine headaches. But one thing you can definitely do is treat your migraine symptoms right away, and prevent symptoms by avoiding or changing your triggers. If you feel the need, you can always take medication which can help in reliving the pain. Over-the-counter pain medications such as acetaminophen, ibuprofen, or aspirin are often helpful when your migraine is mild. However, if you have frequent migraines, it is recommended that you visit your doctor who may prescribe medicine to reduce the number of attacks depending on your condition and other medications.

The migraine medication is classified in two major categories: those designed to prevent attacks, and those designed to relieve pain.

Drugs for prevention

·         Beta-blockers -- also used to treat heart disease; researchers aren't sure why they also work for migraines, although they may help keep blood vessels in the brain from constricting and dilating. Beta-blockers include:

·         Atenolol (Tenormin)

·         Metoprolol (Lopressor, Toprol-XL)

·         Propranolol (Inderal, Inderal LA)

·         Calcium-channel blockers -- another type of heart disease drug that can help prevent migraines, including:

·         Verapamil (Calan, Isoptin)

·         Diltiazem (Cardizem, Dilacor)

·         Antidepressants -- Tricyclic antidepressants are helpful in preventing all kinds of headaches, including migraines. Tricyclic antidepressants include:

·         Amitriptyline (Elavil)

·         Nortriptyline (Pamelor)

·         Doxepin (Sinequan)

·         Imipramine (Tofranil)

·         Anticonvulsants -- Some antiseizure drugs help prevent migraines, although researchers aren't sure why:

·         Divalproex sodium (Depakote)

·         Gabapentin (Neurontin)

·         Topiramate (Topamax)

·         Botox -- Botox, a medication made from a purified form of botulinum toxin, has been approved to treat migraines. Researchers aren't sure why it helps some people. To treat migraines, botox is given as a series of injections in the forehead, temples, back of the neck, and shoulders. Injections are given about every 3 months.

Drugs for treatment

·   Triptans -- These medications are often the first ones prescribed to relieve pain, nausea, and sensitivity to light and sound. They work by constricting the blood vessels in the brain. Triptans include:

·         Almotriptan (Axert)

·         Eletriptan (Relpax)

·         Frovatriptan (Frova)

·         Naratriptan (Amerge)

·         Rizatriptan (Maxalt)

·         Sumatriptan (Imitrex)

·         Zolmitriptan (Zomig)

·   Ergots -- Ergots also work by constricting blood vessels, but tend to have more side effects than triptans. Ergots include:

·         Dihydroergotamine (Migranal)

·         Ergotamine (Ergomar, Cafergot)

·   Isometheptene, dichloralphenazone, and acetaminophen (Midrin) -- Midrin combines a pain reliever (acetaminophen) and sedative (dichloralphenazone) with a medication that constricts blood vessels (isometheptene) to prevent migraines.

Herbal Remedies

·         Skullcap

·         Butterbur root

·         Feverfew

Researchers and doctors are still trying to find the exact cause of migraine. Treatment for the same is still uncertain, however, there is always a ray of hope since there are people who have been completely cured and are living a perfectly healthy life. So, don’t give up yet because you may never know when and what will work for you. And with brilliant breakthroughs in medical science every day, I am sure we would soon have the antidote to defeat one of our worst arcane enemies.

Speaking about headaches, Love itself can be a reason for one. Ergo, in the spirit of staying healthy, my best and heartiest wishes to you this Valentine!

Stay Well!