Alone is
calm. Alone is being somewhere with nothing other than your own thoughts, able to
hear the things that you often intentionally block out with meaningless
conversations and loud music and well-attended parties. Alone is listening to
the things you have to say to yourself, giving time to the more important
reflections of life that you often allow to settle in the back of your mind like a fine
dust swept under a rug.
Alone is eating dinner for one,
taking the time to savor each dish instead of having its flavor interrupt you
as you try to carry on your conversation. It is reading a book in the corner,
undisturbed by everything else going on around you, happy to exist in a scene
where the only partner one needs is the soft din of conversation around you. Alone,
the feeling of the satisfaction of selfishness, the refreshing reprieve from
having to take others’ concerns into account, happy in the knowledge that no
one is there to interrupt you in the conversations you have with yourself. However, it should not be confused with loneliness. Loneliness, I think is allowing this freedom
from judgment to take root in your life, to become a reason to let things go. It
is losing perspective of other people to the point that your entire world
narrows down to you and exactly what you’re doing in that moment. Loneliness is wanting a sounding
board for all of the things you have discovered on your own, the things you want
to confirm with the comforting reality of hearing another human being speak
them aloud.
Alone is walking along a street,
just you and your city, taking things in that you often don’t take the time to
appreciate when you’re busy with life. It is allowing your senses to be your
company, talking to you with a million different voices of how good this smells
or how wonderful that feels. It is taking the time to soak in your
surroundings, instead of just existing blindly within them. I have come to an
understanding that even though people are happy in their beautiful lives, deep inside
they are lonely. In time I
have learned that people come and go, things change, time flies but the only thing
that stays with one is one’s conscience, and to protect one's sanity, one needs to make peace with one's loneliness.
I have realized that it doesn't really
take much of an effort to be happy when you are alone, unlike when you feel lonely despite surrounded by the people who have too much to offer and have their opinions about everything that is under the sun, and you are
simply not interested.
