Marriage Proposal

I am in my late twenties; in an age where Indian girls are supposed to get married and settled, an age where more than half of my friends already have kids. And like any other typical Indian family my parents are also worried about finding the right guy for me. It’s a real dilemma for an Indian parent of a 28 year old girl to find the right life partner for her and I completely understand their uneasiness and anguish. Lately they have been attending weddings of the people who are younger than me. Everywhere they go, they find people asking them ‘When is your daughter getting married?’ or ‘Has your daughter found someone yet?’ My equations with my parents are inherently very good but these uninvited affairs sometimes make it difficult for me to have a good conversation. I don’t want to be rude, but why so much hype about getting married?

I am a girl who is dating no one and with no suitable guy around me whom I can see as a prospective future husband, everyone is on the mission of searching a boy for me. My mom is tired of asking me if I am seeing someone or if someone is interested in me. Every time she asks me this I can feel a sense of disappointment and bathos in her voice when I say no. I am glad she doesn’t think I am a lesbian. 

It had become a ritual to talk everyday on this subject and one day the emotional drama eventually led my parents to make a profile for me on one of the match making websites. Personally, I don’t understand the concept of these marriage sites. I really don’t. Marrying someone whom you meet only a few times is like getting into something insensibly unknown. It did not really made sense to me. Well, my parents were very optimistic and avid about the website match making. They created a profile with a picture of mine and wrote appropriately true admirable things about me. I did not wanted to spoil their fun so I did not retaliate, though I was not quite cooperative. The process of sincerely scrutinizing a suitable boy started henceforth. I was made to go through profiles of many prospective candidates and every day we would have a conversation about who could be ‘The Perfect One’ for me. Finally, after persuading me with many brainstorming sessions and baseless arguments, they zeroed out few of the boys. They asked me to talk to one of the boys who they thought was really nice. He lived in New York for 5 years and was moving to California. The boy’s parents had already spoken to my parents and it was decided that I should first talk to the boy’s Mom on phone and then things can be taken forward from there. I was loaded with myriad advice and rules from my friends and relatives of how I should be talking and interacting. Not that I don’t know how to behave humbly civilized, but the most important thing I was asked to do was ‘Not Be Myself’. Well yes, it sounds strange but I was supposed to act like a nice sweet girl with honey coated words and little slower talking pace, which was so unlike me. I am usually in a world of my own, but on rare occasions can be very spontaneous, high on life and can crack really witty jokes and laugh like crazy, and at the same time powerfully practical. Well, I had to mask all this ‘being me’ personality and behave like a nice girl whom anyone would want to make their ‘Bahu (Daughter-In-Law)'. 

Anyways, the day arrived when I was to talk to the guy’s mother. I live in Chicago and she lives in India and I was to make a phone call. I did not mind that but I did find it a bit uncanny.  Nevertheless, I called her at the decided time. We spoke about the usual stuff and it was pretty easy going. She was very polite and cordial (and so was I!). I was happy that they did not suspect anything unusual and I was able to sail smoothly through the fake persona of mine without being caught. She had started to like me. Suddenly, the conversation became more like a questionnaire. She asked me ‘Honey, Do you know how to cook’? This is a question every Indian girl is asked no matter where and whom she is getting married to. But because I love to cook, I said yes. Then a next question popped up ‘What kind of foods can you cook?’ I told her truthfully that I can cook almost everything. I could hear her smile to this reply. But I did not know one thing. There was an avalanche of questions on its way and this was only the beginning. This was only the tip and I was yet to be hit with the rest of the ice berg! While talking to her I realized that she had a set of unreasonable concerns written on a paper from where she was catapulting. I could actually hear her turn the pages. I was kind of taken aback on how the conversation was unfolding. She was bombarding me with her inevitable absurd questions and by now I was so mentally disoriented that I was disputing with myself to find proper words to return the favors.

I precisely remember what happened next. She asked ‘How much is your GPA in M.S.?’ I was stunned. Did I hear it right? Did she just ask my G.P.A? Is it something really relevant for the marriage? Are they planning to put my grades on the wedding cards? Reluctantly I answered. I don’t think she was impressed with my answer as her son had a GPA of 4.0/4.0. The next question seriously blew my mind. ‘How much did you score in your 10th and 12th Grade, Dear? And have you ever been a topper?’ I mean, seriously?? Is it a marriage proposal or a job interview? 

I am usually very calm, cool and collected but this was getting on my nerves. I wanted to disconnect the call and stop this awfully bizarre talk, but when an Indian girl is talking as a ‘prospective bride’ candidate she has to be amiably polite and keep calm. So, I did the same, after all I was the one representing my parents and their upbringing to an absolute stranger. I was least considerate about the lady on the phone but I was very much mindful of the aftermaths. So, I kept my cool amid so much madness and answered patiently. Undeniably I was raging inside. As I was anticipating, ultimately the interrogation ended relatively early as they were not really impressed by my score cards and fellowships. It was an inexplicable lunatic session and I was in so much agony that I had to eat mouthful of chocolates and go for a long walk to get over the trauma. 

Well, this bittersweet experience made me think over on few things about finding the ‘right match’. There still exist such people in this whole wide world who look for 'packages' rather than human beings. The labels of 'homely', 'fair', 'class' and 'qualifications' have not diminished from the  Indian marriage market yet. There are people who want a perfect daughter-in-law with incredibly outstanding academics, perfect culinary skills, and a pretty face. I don’t detest them but God bless these people and their daughters-in-law!

As for me, I don’t know who I will be getting married to or if I would be getting married ever for that matter, but one thing has always been crystal clear to me; I don’t want a perfect guy. There is nothing more rare, more marvelous than a person being unapologetically oneself; comfortable in one's perfect imperfections! He could be extraordinary in his own way, but all I want is a best friend for life. Someone whom I can respect for who he is and who can respect me for who I am. Not someone who is concerned about how much I have scored all my life and how many accomplishments I have on my résumé, but somebody who can let me be me, someone whose weirdness is compatible to my insanely sane persona, and whose assorted charisma can blend with mine. 

And if a person like this does exist, sooner or later I will find that ‘One’ person who would be special in his own way.

It’s just a matter of time, Folks!